


Okay

by HeyGoodLookin



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Emotional Shit, Feelings, Gen, I mean lots of feelings, JJ needs a hug 2k20, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24332026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyGoodLookin/pseuds/HeyGoodLookin
Summary: Basically, the missing scene after the hot tub.Get ready for an emotional roller coaster.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 171





	Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Angst, drama, feelings, and minor fluff. You have been warned.   
> Please let me know what you think!!   
> Hope everyone is keeping safe and healthy during this crazy time xoxo

He was so tired.

Tired of being so fucking okay with everything all the time.

Tired of trying to take the moral high ground like John B.

Tired of trying not to fight back.

Tired of making everything a joke, when it wasn’t. It really fucking wasn’t.

Kiara was still holding on to him while the hot tub jets whirled on, somehow reminding him that the shitshow that was his life wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. He didn’t register what Pope had said or when he had left. He could’t think of much of anything other than how god damn pathetic he was; crying around his friends— his _family_ like a kid.

Kiara felt him shivering as his breathing evened out against her shoulder. He wasn’t sobbing anymore. She still felt tears falling, but they were lighter, more controlled than before. Carefully, she pulled back slightly to look at him.

“Okay?” Kiara looked JJ in the eyes. The single word felt like it weighed a ton.

“M’kay,” JJ wiped his hand over his face. He looked down at the water. “M’sorry.”

“Don’t,” Kie kept her arms around him. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“You’re right… about the 25k…”

Kie scoffed. “I don’t give a shit about that anymore. I understand, JJ…I get why you did it.”

“I just wanted to do the right thing.”

“I know,” Kie felt herself tear up at his words, because they were _so_ JJ. Always trying to do the right thing for his family and friends. Slipping up along the way sometimes, but always burning like a bright flame. He was burned out now though. They’d been standing there for God knows how long and time seemed to stand still. “JJ…” Kie placed a delicate hand on his cheek. “Your dad…is he…?”

“He’s passed out,” JJ muttered. Kie felt like she was practically holding him up.

“Okay,” said Kie. “Let’s get outta here. My parents aren’t gonna be home till late so—“

“No,” JJ looked up at her. “I’m not bringing my shit to your home.”

“JJ, you’re hurt. I’m your friend. Your family. Let me, for once, look after you. You’re always the one looking out for us and cheering us up. Let me do this for you.”

“But your folks…”

“They won’t know a thing,” Kie rubbed his cheek with her thumb as JJ’s hold tightened around her.

And then JJ spoke so broken, so low, that Kie almost burst into tears of her own.

“Okay,” his voice cracked.

It was one word, but it once again held the weight of the world. Okay. Nothing was okay, but her being there was okay. There being a safe place for him to sleep was okay. Not much was okay, but at least that was.

They somehow managed to sneak JJ into Kie’s room and into her washroom where she guided him to sit on the toilet lid.

“I’m just gonna clean you up, okay?”

“Okay.”

There was that word again. It’s like they had to keep saying it in order to keep themselves together. Kie made silent work of JJ’s injuries. She didn’t doubt for a second that as his alcohol level dropped, that every breath he took, caused him pain. Kie tried her best not to press on anything too hard. She was finding it harder and harder to keep her emotions at bay. She had to be the strong one for JJ, but the more she examined his battered body in the cold, brightness of her bathroom, the more she felt her throat close painfully.

“Kie…” JJ looked down at her bowed head. “Kie, it’s okay.”

“No,” Kie looked up at him. “No it’s not okay. _None_ of this is okay. You got beaten within an inch of your life and you brush it off like it’s nothing. You don’t deserve any of this, JJ, you didn’t do anything to deserve this kind of abuse.”

 _Abuse_. JJ digested the word. It was the first time he’d honestly understood what his dad did to him. Somehow Kie saying it, made it real.

“It’s been going on for years, Kie, it’s nothing I can’t deal with.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!”

“It’s life,” JJ tried to shrug. “John B doesn’t deserve to have a dead dad. Pope shouldn’t have to work as hard as he does for his fucking scholarship. And you shouldn’t have to be told who to be or what to do. Sure, it’s not okay, but it’s fucking life, isn’t it?”

Kie blinked back tears. “But it shouldn’t be,” she whispered.

“Kie.”

“No!” Kie wiped at her eyes. “Let me finish. Don’t make this about us or Pogues. This isn’t about us. This is about you and the fact that you don’t understand how fucked up this is. You don’t get how much your worth, JJ. You run around and toss your life around like it’s worth nothing, but it’s worth everything. You’re worth everything. Whatever your dad says to you, whatever he’s convinced you to be true, it’s not.”

JJ reached out and lifted Kie’s face so he could wipe away some of her tears. She was crying and he hated seeing her cry. He hated they he’d caused those tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, using a tone that was quit unlike him. It was softer, gentler than his usually brassy attitude. “I’m sorry I put this on you, Kie. You’re a good person.”

“And why does that matter?”

“God, Kie…” JJ ran a hand through his messy hair. “It just does, okay? You’re a good fucking person and I don’t want to unpack all the bullshit onto you. You don’t deserve this, Kie. Good people like you deserve good people. Whole people. Not broken bullshit.”

Kie stared up at him. Did he honestly not see what she saw? Did he honestly not believe that he was a good person too? But then she realized he must, because he’d been hearing it all his life. That he was worthless. If you hear something enough, you’ll believe it. One time she’d come by to pick him up and she’d heard his dad shouting at him. She chose not to say anything to him because she knew, at the time, JJ would have exploded at the thought of her overhearing his father’s words.

“You’re not broken,” Kie stood up with him. They were holding each other up again. “You’re not broken, JJ. And you’re not what your dad says you are.”

She felt JJ nod ever so slightly as he placed his chin on top of her head. “Sure,” he muttered.

“I mean it, JJ, you’re so fucking amazing. You don’t even realize it, do you? Because nobody’s actually sat you down and told you,” Kie took a deep breath and pulled back a few millimetres so she could look into his eyes. He had to believe her. “You’re amazing,” she breathed. “You are so amazing.”

JJ clenched his jaw; a thing he did when he was keeping his emotions at bay. Kie knew the expression well. The _I don’t want to feel these feelings_ face.

“Okay,” he swallowed thickly.

“I think you’re amazing.”

JJ’s eyes widened at this. “I think you’re amazing too, Kie. I probably don’t say it enough cause, you know, I suck at stuff like this.”

“I get it,” said Kie.

“Cool,” JJ slowly separated from her and made his way to the floor by her bead.

“What’re you doing?”

“Giving you your space,” said JJ as he made to sit down.

“JJ, get in the damn bed,” said Kie.

JJ smirked up at her. “Aren’t you eager.”

Kie wanted to come back with a witty retort, but she was too distracted by the fact that even after everything he’d been through that day, JJ was smirking up at her with a slight twinkle in his eye.

“Just get in,” Kie rolled her eyes. She pulled the covers back on her bed. JJ waited until she was situated before he fell back into the bed himself. Their arms brushed and Kie felt herself flush slightly. No, she chastised herself, now was _not_ the time for school girl crushes. Even though she knew full well, this was no school girl crush. This was real.

“Thanks, Kie,” JJ stared up at the ceiling.

“No problem,” Kie whispered back.

“No really… I mean it. Thank you.”

“It’s okay,” Kie shifted onto her side so she could look at him. “You deserve happiness, JJ. You’re a good person too, you know.”

JJ chuckled at this. “Yesterday you called me a cocky asshole.”

“Oh you totally are,” Kie couldn’t help but smile. “But you’ve got such a big heart. You’re a good person. Just because someone gets treated like shit, doesn’t mean they’re gonna turn out the same way.”

There was a heavy silence. Kie realized she’d said something that went a bit beyond the _emotional shit_ they’d unpacked before. She’d expressed a fear. A fear that was very real to JJ. It was the reason why he always tried not to fight back. Why he simply took it. Why he took his anger out on Kooks and surfing and adventure.

“I don’t want to end up like him,” JJ said, his voice hardly above a whisper. “I’m scared I’m gonna, though. I almost killed him and a part of me wanted to.”

“But you didn’t,” Kie took a risk and put a hand on his cheek again. He wasn’t crying anymore, but she needed to feel him. She needed him to know that she understood.

“It’s just inevitable, isn’t it? I’m shit at school and my ol’ man’s gonna take me down with him. I don’t have a way out of this. That’s why I don’t want you getting involved, Kie. I don’t want to take you down with me.”

“JJ…” Kie took in a shaky breath. “You’re gonna get out, okay? We’ll figure out a way. And don’t worry about me. I’ve got turtles to save and a planet to look out for too.” JJ snickered at this and Kie smiled shakily. “We’ll find you a way out,” she said with as much conviction as she could muster. Because she believed it. They would find him a way out of the cycle.

“Okay,” said JJ and this time Kie started to believe him.

“Okay,” Kie wanted to keep talking, but she was fading fast. The stress of the day’s events was catching up with her.

“Kie?”

“Hmmm?” Kie hummed.

“Thank you,” JJ took a deep breath and pressed a feather light kiss to her forehead. Kie felt herself melt at the gesture.

“No problem,” Kie managed.

“You really are amazing, Kie. Do you mind if…?” He held out his arms as an offering.

Kie didn’t respond with words. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed as he relaxed against her.

“JJ…”

“Shh,” JJ placed another kiss to the top of her head. “Talk tomorrow, okay?”

Kie closed her eyes. “Okay.”


End file.
